Possibly The Best Review of The Dan Plan Ever Written (NSFW)

Updated: Mar 1

"My main struggle was with my gunt. For those unfamiliar, it’s the bit between your gut and your lady garden. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad, but I knew that if I didn’t do something soon, I’d look like I was packin’ kangas.

Also, menopause is around the corner. Fan waving, muumuu wearing, night schvitzing beast is not the look I’m going for.

Previously, my diet of water, dust and Marlboro Lights did the trick. Then I hit my 40’s.

Basically, I’d like to live past 50.

All jokes aside, my unhealthy lifestyle, bad relationship with food, booze and the scales, needed a reset. I was also the laziest f***er you’d (be lucky to) meet.

I needed a space where there was no judgement. Only encouragement. No gym twats or spandex sporting mean girls. And definitely no laughing when I jump and my veavage (urban dictionary that one) sheds a tear.

It’s been 5 months. The gunt is goin’ and the Bar Mitzvah arms are tonin’ – but that’s not the best part. This whole process of diet and exercise gave me some inner peace. More than my $250 per hour shrink. Instead of starving myself to get into a 00, I actually eat. I choose right and don’t hate my own guts after I stuff my face. That is actually, quite a big deal for me.

If you stay on the fence. It’s likely to collapse. You know what happened to Humpty.


Jump the fu*k over, I promise, you won’t regret it."


-Joanna